1
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:07,572
GOOD EVENING, FEAR FANS.

2
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:10,074
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.

3
00:00:10,143 --> 00:00:13,445
ONE VENTRILOQUIST'S DUMMY.

4
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,915
HACME NOVELTY COMPANY,
BATTLE SHRIEK, MICHIGAN.

5
00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:19,518
OH, GOODY!

6
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,453
WATCH THIS, KIDDIES.

7
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,922
YOU WON'T SEE MY LIPS MOVE.

8
00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:25,390
YOU KNOW WHY?

9
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,627
I DON'T HAVE ANY!

10
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,929
WELL, HELLO, DICKY.

11
00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:34,043
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO
TELL A TALE FROM THE CRYPT?

12
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:37,252
NO, THANKS, DEATH BREATH.

13
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,956
THEN HOW ABOUT SITTING A
LITTLE CLOSER TO THE FIRE?

14
00:00:42,192 --> 00:00:44,292
THAT'S BETTER.

15
00:00:44,361 --> 00:00:47,562
NOW I CAN DOLE OUT A
DISEASED LITTLE DITTY

16
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:51,133
ABOUT THE SCHIZOFRANTIC
NATURE OF SHOW BIZ

17
00:00:51,201 --> 00:00:54,218
AND HOW TO HACK
YOUR WAY TO THE TOP.

18
00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:57,155
SO GRAB HOLD OF
YOUR GUTS, KIDDIES,

19
00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,324
'CAUSE TONIGHT YOU
GET TO RUB ELBOWS

20
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,361
WITH <i>THE VENTRILOQUIST'S DUMMY.</i>

21
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,900
SO YOU'RE GOING TO
AFRICA ON SAFARI, HUH?

22
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:11,770
ARE YOU CRAZY?
THAT'S VERY DANGEROUS.

23
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,673
YOU COULD RUN ACROSS
A VERY ANGRY LION.

24
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,308
I'LL HAVE MY GUN WITH ME.

25
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:17,643
DOES IT SHOOT LIONS?

26
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,822
NO, STUPID. IT SHOOTS BULLETS.

27
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,563
LIONS ARE TOO BIG TO LOAD.

28
00:01:21,632 --> 00:01:23,543
HOW ABOUT A NICE
POP IN THE MOUTH?

29
00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:25,345
WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

30
00:01:25,369 --> 00:01:28,114
LISTEN, MAYBE YOU OUGHT
TO SKIP GOING TO AFRICA.

31
00:01:28,138 --> 00:01:30,472
STAY HOME AND GO HUNTING HERE...

32
00:01:30,541 --> 00:01:32,274
DUCKS, GEESE.

33
00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:34,576
BUT I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN DUCKS AND GEESE.

34
00:01:34,645 --> 00:01:35,577
IT'S VERY EASY.

35
00:01:35,646 --> 00:01:39,448
DUCKS GO "QUACK
QUACK." UNDERSTAND?

36
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,483
AND GEESE GO "HONK HONK."

37
00:01:41,552 --> 00:01:43,785
IF A PACK OF BIRDS FLY OVER

38
00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:46,232
AND THEY GO "HONK
HONK," WHAT DO YOU DO?

39
00:01:46,256 --> 00:01:48,589
PULL OVER AND LET THEM PASS.

40
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,305
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU APPLAUDING ABOUT?

41
00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:53,712
WHAT ARE YOU? SEALS?

42
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:54,858
THAT'S ONE OF MY BIG ONES.

43
00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:57,382
AND THE FAT GUY BETTER LAUGH.

44
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,762
I SEE YOU, THE FAT GUY, AND I'M
GONNA PUT STRIPES ON YOUR FACE

45
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:03,055
AND ROLL YOU DOWN THE
BEACH FOR A HALF HOUR.

46
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,734
VERY SERIOUSLY,
I'M LOOKING AROUND,

47
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,203
AND I SEE THE FOOD
SITTING ON THE TABLES.

48
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:09,406
THERE'S FLIES STARTING TO DIE
RIGHT IN... RIGHT ON THE PLATES.

49
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,341
HOW'S THE FOOD
IN THIS PLACE, HUH?

50
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,282
DON'T ASK. TERRIBLE! LOUSY!

51
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:15,895
I BROUGHT MY GIRL HERE
FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT,

52
00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:17,930
AND SHE FOUND A BUG IN HER SOUP.

53
00:02:17,954 --> 00:02:19,299
OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
WHAT HAPPENED?

54
00:02:19,323 --> 00:02:22,291
SHE YELLED, "WAITER,
REMOVE THIS INSECT AT ONCE."

55
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:23,292
AND?

56
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,627
THE GUY THREW ME OUT.

57
00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:27,256
THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, HUH, LADY?

58
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,058
THE OLD BROAD CAME ALIVE.

59
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,560
WE'VE BEEN UP HERE A HALF-HOUR,

60
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,894
AND THE OLD BROAD FINALLY WENT,

61
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,062
"THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, LOU!"

62
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:36,321
STOP COUGHING WHEN I'M
DELIVERING FUNNY LINES.

63
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,400
PUT YOURSELF IN A HOSPITAL

64
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:38,735
AND JUST LAY THERE
WITH THE COVERS OPEN

65
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,059
AND LET THE NURSE STARE AT YOU.

66
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:43,073
LOOK, IF YOU'RE HUNGRY,
JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.

67
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:45,680
I HEAR THE TONGUE
SANDWICH IS PRETTY GOOD.

68
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:46,892
WELL, I'LL BE VERY
HONEST WITH YOU.

69
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:47,849
I NEVER EAT ANYTHING

70
00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:50,234
THAT COMES FROM
AN ANIMAL'S MOUTH.

71
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,271
WELL, THEN, HOW ABOUT SOME EGGS?

72
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,872
OOH!

73
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,252
OH, A WISE GUY, HUH, MORTY?

74
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,208
YOU'RE STEAMING ME.

75
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,209
REALLY GETTIN' TO ME.

76
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,576
HA HA HA!

77
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,656
Morty: HOLD ON TO
THIS AUTOGRAPH, KID.

78
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,492
IT WILL BE WORTH
A BUNDLE SOME DAY.

79
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,294
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE
WHEN YOU GROW UP, BILLY?

80
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,196
A VENTRILOQUIST, JUST LIKE YOU.

81
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:09,487
Woman: NONSENSE. HE WANTS
TO BE A DOCTOR. DON'T YOU, BILLY?

82
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:10,556
HEY, BILL.

83
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,857
ANYTIME YOU NEED ANY
ADVICE OR A FEW TIPS,

84
00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:14,893
FEEL FREE TO
LOOK ME UP, OK, KID?

85
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,773
GOLLY, MR. INGELS, THANKS.

86
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:17,729
LOOK, MOM.

87
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,331
IT'S LOVELY. LET'S GO.

88
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:33,523
WE STILL GOT OUR DATE, DON'T WE?

89
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,114
I KNOW THIS GREAT
LITTLE AFTER-HOURS JOINT.

90
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:38,283
I'M NOT FEELING VERY WELL.

91
00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:40,146
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE
NOT FEELING VERY WELL?

92
00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:41,614
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, BABY.

93
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,239
HE'S NEVER FELT
BETTER. LET'S GO.

94
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,851
AND WHERE ARE YOU
GOING TO TAKE ME TO?

95
00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:47,220
HOW ABOUT OUR BUNGALOW, TOOTS?

96
00:03:47,244 --> 00:03:49,277
WE'LL SHOW YOU OUR ETCHINGS.

97
00:03:49,346 --> 00:03:51,913
YOU ARE SO CUTE.

98
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:52,914
AND YOU...

99
00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:55,302
YOU'RE NOT SO BAD YOURSELF.

100
00:04:00,891 --> 00:04:03,258
Woman: FIRE! HELP!

101
00:04:09,065 --> 00:04:10,810
LIGHTS OUT NOW, BILLY!

102
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:14,202
OK, MOM. LIGHTS OUT.

103
00:04:14,271 --> 00:04:16,004
I SAID NOW!

104
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,730
Woman: IS THERE
ANYBODY IN THERE?

105
00:04:30,754 --> 00:04:31,703
I DON'T KNOW YET.

106
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:32,704
I LOOKED AROUND THE BACK.

107
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:33,772
I COULDN'T SEE NOTHING.

108
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:36,236
HURRY UP! IT'S GOING
UP LIKE A FURNACE.

109
00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:37,525
ANYBODY IN THERE?

110
00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:39,260
MOM, COME HERE QUICK!

111
00:04:57,447 --> 00:04:59,881
WE'RE HERE.

112
00:04:59,950 --> 00:05:02,850
OOPS. COME ON, TIM.

113
00:05:02,919 --> 00:05:06,121
OH, WOW.

114
00:05:06,190 --> 00:05:07,710
WHERE ARE WE? IS THIS...

115
00:05:09,693 --> 00:05:13,695
136. MUST BE IT.

116
00:05:13,763 --> 00:05:15,063
HI, MR. INGELS.

117
00:05:15,132 --> 00:05:17,265
HELLO, SIR. YOU PROBABLY... NO.

118
00:05:17,334 --> 00:05:19,367
HI, SIR. YOU PROBABLY
DON'T REMEMBER ME.

119
00:05:19,436 --> 00:05:22,870
MY NAME IS BILLY GOLDMAN.

120
00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:24,739
I MET YOU A LONG TIME AGO.

121
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,728
Man: IT'S PRIVATE PROPERTY,
JERK-OFF. GO AWAY!

122
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,009
MR. INGELS, SIR, YOU
PROBABLY DON'T REMEMBER ME,

123
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,310
BUT MY NAME IS BILLY GOLDMAN...

124
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,833
PISS OFF! YOU WANT
IT IN WRITING, HUH?

125
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:36,935
PISS OFF!

126
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,647
I HAVE BEEN DRIVING FOR 3 DAYS.

127
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,606
I AM NOT LEAVING
UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME.

128
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:44,276
HI, MY NAME IS TIM.

129
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,578
HI THERE. CAN MORTY
COME OUT AND PLAY?

130
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,380
OH, SHIT!

131
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,615
COME ON IN, YOU...

132
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,080
WELL, CLOSE THE DOOR,
SCHMUCK. IT'S NOT A BARN.

133
00:05:59,809 --> 00:06:01,242
HEY, HEY.

134
00:06:01,311 --> 00:06:02,655
IT AIN'T GOING TO BE THAT LONG.

135
00:06:02,679 --> 00:06:04,107
HUH? WHAT'S ON YOUR
MIND? MAKE YOUR POINT.

136
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,298
I'M BILLY GOLDMAN.

137
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,699
YOU SAID I COULD LOOK YOU UP.

138
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:08,700
OH, YEAH?

139
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:10,135
WELL, UMM...

140
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,204
IT WAS 15 YEARS AGO.

141
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,272
I WAS 11 YEARS OLD.

142
00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:14,968
OH, HE'S GOT A MEMORY
LIKE AN ELEPHANT.

143
00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:16,519
HOW LUCKY CAN YOU GET?

144
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,711
I WAS THERE. I SAW
YOUR LAST PERFORMANCE.

145
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:20,712
HOW WAS I?

146
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,313
YOU... WELL, YOU WERE GREAT.

147
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,415
YOU WERE UNBELIEVABLE.

148
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:24,665
GOOD ANSWER.

149
00:06:24,734 --> 00:06:26,654
WHO WRITES YOUR MATERIAL?

150
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,138
WOW!

151
00:06:30,206 --> 00:06:32,140
IS THAT MORTY?
CAN I... I WANNA...

152
00:06:32,209 --> 00:06:33,586
NO! HEY! HEY! DON'T TOUCH THAT!

153
00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:34,542
LEAVE IT ALONE, WILL YA?

154
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:36,911
HE'S RETIRED, LIKE ME.

155
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,191
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU?

156
00:06:38,215 --> 00:06:40,135
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

157
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,086
SO MUCH HISTORY.

158
00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:46,220
SO MANY MEMORIES.

159
00:06:46,289 --> 00:06:49,924
"SHOWGIRL DIES IN
TRAGIC RESORT FIRE.

160
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,759
FAMOUS VENTRILOQUIST INJURED."

161
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:01,336
SOME MEMORIES ARE
BETTER THAN OTHERS.

162
00:07:01,405 --> 00:07:03,738
I'M NOT EVEN SURE
HOW THE FIRE STARTED.

163
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:09,994
ALL I KNOW IS...

164
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,740
I LOST EVERYTHING THAT NIGHT.

165
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,264
EVERYTHING.

166
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,633
COULDN'T YOU OPERATE
MORTY WITH YOUR LEFT HAND?

167
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:18,269
LEFT? LEFT? LEFT?

168
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:19,548
THAT'S GOOD FOR OPENING DOORS

169
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,523
AND SWATTING FLIES.

170
00:07:21,592 --> 00:07:24,859
THIS IS THE HAND THAT
HAD THE MAGIC IN IT.

171
00:07:24,928 --> 00:07:26,506
WHY DID YOU COME, HUH?

172
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,829
TO STIR UP OLD MEMORIES?

173
00:07:28,898 --> 00:07:30,948
TO PRY INTO MY PAIN?

174
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,318
SPEAK UP, DAMN IT!

175
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:37,872
UM, TOMORROW IS AMATEUR
NIGHT AT THE NAUTICAL CLUB.

176
00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:40,040
I WANTED MY FIRST TIME
IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE

177
00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:43,611
TO BE ON THE VERY SAME
STAGE THAT I SAW YOU PERFORM.

178
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,547
I WAS HOPING THAT
MAYBE YOU COULD COME BY

179
00:07:45,616 --> 00:07:48,049
AND GIVE ME YOUR CRITIQUE.

180
00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:49,550
YOU KNOW, MAYBE SOME POINTERS.

181
00:07:49,619 --> 00:07:51,736
I DON'T GO OUT MUCH.

182
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,805
YEAH, WELL...

183
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:55,139
THANKS. UM...

184
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:57,909
SORRY I WASTED YOUR TIME.

185
00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:05,900
MR. INGELS, EVER SINCE
I SAW YOU THAT NIGHT,

186
00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:07,735
YOU'VE BEEN MY IDOL.

187
00:08:07,804 --> 00:08:09,620
BECAUSE OF YOU,

188
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:13,825
ALL I'VE EVER WANTED
TO BE IS A VENTRILOQUIST.

189
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:17,395
I GOT TO KNOW IF I'VE
GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

190
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,646
ONLY YOU CAN TELL ME THAT.

191
00:08:22,552 --> 00:08:23,901
HEY, KID.

192
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:27,105
WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?

193
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,839
BILLY GOLDMAN.

194
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:31,228
BILLY GOLDMAN, YOU
FORGOT YOUR ACT.

195
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,300
BILLY!

196
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,893
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

197
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,759
HE'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

198
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,162
WHAT DO YOU THINK, MORTY?

199
00:08:56,186 --> 00:08:58,570
♪ CAMPTOWN LADIES
SING THIS SONG ♪

200
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,905
♪ DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH ♪

201
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,141
♪ CAMPTOWN
RACETRACK 5 MILES LONG ♪

202
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,943
♪ OH, DOO-DAH DAY... ♪

203
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,379
AMATEUR NIGHT.

204
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:08,380
BOY, YOU SAID IT.

205
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,148
SOUNDS LIKE A CAT IN HEAT.

206
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,361
I THINK SHE'S PRETTY GOOD.

207
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:12,484
HEY, WATCH IT!

208
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,652
BIG TITS.

209
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,030
THAT'S THE SECRET
TO AMATEUR NIGHT.

210
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,366
ALWAYS MAKE SURE
YOU GOT BIG TITS.

211
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,955
OTHERWISE, YOU'RE SOUTH.

212
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:19,024
EXCUSE ME. HEY!

213
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:20,759
THANK YOU.

214
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,728
♪ ...GOING TO RUN ALL NIGHT ♪

215
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,263
♪ GOING TO RUN ALL DAY ♪

216
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,832
♪ I BET MY MONEY
ON A BOBTAIL NAG ♪

217
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,234
♪ SOMEBODY BET ON THE BAY ♪

218
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:31,553
OH, MY GOD.

219
00:09:31,621 --> 00:09:32,998
HE ACTUALLY CAME. HE'S HERE.

220
00:09:33,022 --> 00:09:33,954
HE'S HERE!

221
00:09:34,023 --> 00:09:34,955
LET'S GO! YOU'RE ON!

222
00:09:35,024 --> 00:09:36,068
LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
COME ON! COME ON!

223
00:09:36,092 --> 00:09:37,892
OK, OK. MY CHAIR.

224
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,238
GET YOUR CHAIR!
THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU!

225
00:09:39,262 --> 00:09:41,496
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
COME ON! COME ON!

226
00:09:41,565 --> 00:09:43,097
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

227
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:46,367
AMATEUR NIGHT CONTINUES
AT THE NAUTICAL CLUB

228
00:09:46,436 --> 00:09:48,636
WITH AN UNKNOWN, UNHEARD-OF,

229
00:09:48,705 --> 00:09:50,672
AND LIKELY TO STAY THAT WAY...

230
00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:52,373
JUST KIDDING...

231
00:09:52,442 --> 00:09:54,942
THE FABULOUS
VENTRILOQUISM OF TIM...

232
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:55,943
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

233
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,156
BILLY. MY NAME'S BILLY...

234
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,313
AND BILLY! TIM AND BILLY!

235
00:09:58,381 --> 00:10:00,448
COME ON! PUT YOUR
HANDS TOGETHER! COME ON!

236
00:10:04,254 --> 00:10:07,421
UM, THIS WILL JUST BE A SECOND.

237
00:10:07,490 --> 00:10:10,291
Tim: GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

238
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,759
UH, LADIES AND GERMS.

239
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:19,033
BRING BACK THE FUCKIN'
GIRL WITH THE TITS.

240
00:10:19,102 --> 00:10:22,704
I JUST RECENTLY FLEW
IN FROM NEW JERSEY.

241
00:10:22,773 --> 00:10:24,889
Audience: BET YOUR
ARMS ARE TIRED!

242
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,392
AND MY ARMS ARE TIRED.

243
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,400
COME ON, KID. YOU CAN DO IT.

244
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,802
BUT...

245
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:38,803
BUT...

246
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,238
BOO! BOO!

247
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,141
BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS... AHEM.

248
00:10:47,030 --> 00:10:49,230
MY PARTNER AND MYSELF

249
00:10:49,298 --> 00:10:52,233
WOULD LIKE TO TAKE
THIS TIME TO ANNOUNCE

250
00:10:52,301 --> 00:10:54,969
WE HAVE A SPECIAL
GUEST IN THE AUDIENCE.

251
00:10:55,038 --> 00:10:55,987
UH...

252
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:59,840
A MAN WHO, WITHOUT ANY DOUBT,

253
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:03,911
IS PROBABLY THE WORLD'S
GREATEST VENTRILOQUIST.

254
00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:06,481
Man: WHO CARES?

255
00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:11,352
GO HOME TO YOUR MAMA!

256
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,102
HEY, CUTIE PIE.

257
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:36,294
WANT TO BUY A GIRL A DRINK?

258
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,096
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE.

259
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:40,298
YOU LOOK LIKE MY GRANDFATHER.

260
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,467
I HAVE A SPECIAL TODAY
ON FAMILY MEMBERS.

261
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,014
LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE ME ALONE.

262
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:48,306
WELL, IF YOU CHANGE
YOUR MIND, I'M DOWN THERE.

263
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,673
PERK UP.

264
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,461
I WAS TERRIBLE, WASN'T I?

265
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,391
IT WASN'T TERRIBLE.

266
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,346
OK, IT WAS TERRIBLE.

267
00:12:12,415 --> 00:12:14,448
YOU HAD NO TECHNIQUE...

268
00:12:14,517 --> 00:12:17,034
NO CONCENTRATION,
AND NO MATERIAL,

269
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,787
AND YOU HAD NO IDEA HOW
TO WORK THE AUDIENCE.

270
00:12:19,856 --> 00:12:23,341
BILLY, I SUGGEST YOU LOOK
FOR ANOTHER LINE OF WORK.

271
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,842
YEAH.

272
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,378
LISTEN, UM, THANKS
FOR COMING DOWN,

273
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:30,447
AND, UM, I'M SORRY
ABOUT THE WASTED TRIP.

274
00:12:33,236 --> 00:12:34,786
BILLY.

275
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,358
BILLY, I'M TRULY SORRY.

276
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,194
BELIEVE ME.

277
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,746
I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE

278
00:12:44,814 --> 00:12:46,814
WHEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE'S DREAM

279
00:12:46,883 --> 00:12:49,917
CRUMBLES LIKE DUST IN YOUR HAND.

280
00:12:49,985 --> 00:12:51,018
THANKS.

281
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:04,882
NO.

282
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,912
CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK, MY DEAR?

283
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,916
WHAT WAS I FUCKIN'
THINKING ABOUT?

284
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:42,253
MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT!
EVERYBODY'S BEEN RIGHT!

285
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,588
FUCK YOU!

286
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,556
AHH!

287
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,791
AAH!

288
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,927
OH!

289
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:53,275
Man: WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

290
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,977
Second man: AT FIRST, WE
THOUGHT THEY WERE NECKING,

291
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,647
BUT THEN THE GUY SAW US AND
TOOK OFF RUNNING FOR THE WOODS!

292
00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:00,772
DID YOU SEE HIM?
WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE?

293
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,808
IT WAS DARK. HE DID IT!

294
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,487
HORRIBLE! IT WAS HORRIBLE!

295
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,656
HE WAS TRYING TO
SET THE CAR ON FIRE!

296
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,290
IT STINKS OF GAS! NOBODY SMOKE!

297
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:09,981
DON'T SMOKE! NOBODY SMOKE!

298
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,892
MR. INGELS! OH, MY GOD.

299
00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:23,772
GET OUT OF HERE, GOD DAMN IT!

300
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,312
OH!

301
00:14:25,381 --> 00:14:27,159
HEY! HEY! JUST GET THAT...

302
00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:28,994
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU PULLING HERE?

303
00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:31,058
HEY, GIVE ME THAT! THAT'S
MY MORPHINE! GIVE ME THAT!

304
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,954
YOU IDIOT! DON'T YOU
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

305
00:14:34,023 --> 00:14:36,063
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A JUNKIE!

306
00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:37,502
TO THINK I ADMIRED YOU.

307
00:14:37,526 --> 00:14:39,672
TO THINK I WANTED
TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.

308
00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:40,896
PLEASE. PLEASE, DON'T HURT ME.

309
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,307
YOU KILLED THAT WOMAN
TONIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?

310
00:14:42,331 --> 00:14:43,698
NO! NO, NOT ME!

311
00:14:43,766 --> 00:14:45,277
DON'T LIE TO ME, OLD MAN!

312
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,344
YOU KILLED HER!

313
00:14:46,368 --> 00:14:47,445
YOU STINK OF GASOLINE!

314
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,915
YOU TRIED TO SET A
FIRE TO COVER IT UP

315
00:14:49,939 --> 00:14:51,416
JUST LIKE THAT OTHER
WOMAN 15 YEARS AGO!

316
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,374
NO! NO! I SET THOSE
FIRE, BUT I NEVER KILLED...

317
00:14:54,443 --> 00:14:56,221
THEN WHO KILLED
HER? WHO KILLED HER?

318
00:14:56,245 --> 00:14:57,978
MORTY!

319
00:14:58,047 --> 00:14:59,130
WHO?

320
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,533
MORTY.

321
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,173
HE HATES WOMEN.

322
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,642
HE'S NEVER BEEN
ABLE TO HAVE A WOMAN

323
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:13,177
IN A NORMAL WAY.

324
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,013
OH, I... I TRY TO STOP HIM,

325
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,182
BUT THERE'S JUST NO
REASONING WITH MORTY.

326
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,817
HE'S VERY WILLFUL...

327
00:15:22,405 --> 00:15:24,288
AND VERY PSYCHOTIC.

328
00:15:26,409 --> 00:15:30,278
MR. INGELS, THERE'S, UM,
PEOPLE WHO WILL UNDERSTAND,

329
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:33,014
PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP YOU.

330
00:15:33,082 --> 00:15:34,982
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

331
00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:36,751
I'M CRAZY?

332
00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:39,187
SPLIT PERSONALITY?

333
00:15:39,255 --> 00:15:40,804
THAT I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD

334
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:44,191
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

335
00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:46,594
I THINK YOU BETTER GO NOW...

336
00:15:46,662 --> 00:15:49,530
BEFORE MORTY TRIES TO HURT YOU.

337
00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:51,098
MORTY CAN'T HURT ME.

338
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:54,435
HE... HE'S MADE OF
CLOTH AND WOOD,

339
00:15:54,503 --> 00:15:56,487
NOTHING ELSE.

340
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,239
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

341
00:16:00,510 --> 00:16:01,942
I'LL SHOW YOU.

342
00:16:04,447 --> 00:16:06,664
MORTY...

343
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,332
PLEASE. NOT AGAIN.

344
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,584
HE CAN'T HURT ME.

345
00:16:10,653 --> 00:16:12,870
HE'S... HE'S NOT REAL.

346
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:18,325
HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING.
HE ISN'T ALIVE.

347
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:19,961
HE'S JUST A DUMMY.

348
00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:22,129
THEY MANUFACTURED
HIM. I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.

349
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,147
COME HERE, MR. INGLES.

350
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,256
COME OVER HERE.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

351
00:16:27,536 --> 00:16:28,569
HE ISN'T REAL.

352
00:16:28,638 --> 00:16:30,116
HE'S CONSTRUCTED
OF WOOD AND CLOTH,

353
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:33,074
SOME WIRES, SOME CABLES.

354
00:16:33,143 --> 00:16:35,576
HE HAS NO MIND...

355
00:16:35,645 --> 00:16:36,744
NO SOUL.

356
00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:39,096
AND NO HEAD.

357
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,431
AAH!

358
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,500
AAH!

359
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,569
YOU KNOW IT ALL, HUH?

360
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,021
KNOW IT ALL, YOU LITTLE SHIT?

361
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,156
AAH!

362
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:54,262
GO ON! GO ON! YOU
MISSED SOMETHING.

363
00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:56,531
TAKE A LOOK. GO AHEAD.

364
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,566
LOOK! LOOK!

365
00:16:58,635 --> 00:16:59,733
LOOK AT IT!

366
00:16:59,802 --> 00:17:01,247
THAT'S RIGHT, A MASK!

367
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:02,714
MORTY'S LIKE ME. HE'S REAL!

368
00:17:02,738 --> 00:17:03,765
HE'S FLESH AND BLOOD!

369
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:07,341
IN FACT, MORTY IS MY BROTHER!

370
00:17:07,409 --> 00:17:08,442
HA HA HA!

371
00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:09,554
MY BROTHER!

372
00:17:09,578 --> 00:17:10,528
YOU SEE HIM?

373
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,613
HERE'S MORTY!

374
00:17:12,682 --> 00:17:13,847
AAH!

375
00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:15,126
WE WERE BORN LIKE THIS.

376
00:17:15,150 --> 00:17:16,394
I GUESS WE WERE
MEANT TO BE TWINS,

377
00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:18,447
BUT NATURE CAN WORK IN
A CRUEL WAY SOMETIMES.

378
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,432
BUT RATHER THAN GOING
THROUGH LIFE AS FREAKS,

379
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,434
WE DECIDED ON A
CAREER IN SHOW BUSINESS!

380
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,126
YEAH. WE DECIDED TO
PUT OUR HEADS TOGETHER.

381
00:17:25,194 --> 00:17:28,162
THAT'S A JOKE, SON. I
DON'T SEE YOU LAUGHING.

382
00:17:28,231 --> 00:17:29,796
HA HA HA!

383
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:32,382
FOR 15 YEARS, I KEPT
HIM DRUGGED UP,

384
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:33,767
AWAY FROM THE WORLD.

385
00:17:33,836 --> 00:17:35,135
ESPECIALLY THE LADIES.

386
00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:37,599
THEN YOU HAD TO COME
ALONG AND STIR THINGS UP!

387
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,807
Morty: GET THE
CLEAVER! CUT HIM UP!

388
00:17:39,876 --> 00:17:42,021
YOU EVEN DESTROYED
THE LAST OF THE MORPHINE,

389
00:17:42,045 --> 00:17:43,522
THE ONLY THING THAT
COULD CALM HIM DOWN.

390
00:17:43,546 --> 00:17:46,747
NOW I CAN'T EVEN STOP
HIM! HE'S VERY WILLFUL!

391
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,316
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO? TALK HIM TO DEATH?

392
00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:50,818
SLICE HIM!

393
00:17:50,887 --> 00:17:54,121
UNZIP HIS GUTS!
KILL HIM! KILL HIM!

394
00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:55,255
KILL HIM!

395
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,702
STOP IT! HE DOESN'T CONTROL YOU!

396
00:17:56,726 --> 00:17:59,104
YOU'RE THE VENTRILOQUIST!
HE'S THE DUMMY!

397
00:17:59,128 --> 00:18:00,795
I'M THE BRAINS OF THIS OUTFIT!

398
00:18:00,863 --> 00:18:03,064
IT WAS MY IDEA TO
GO INTO SHOW BIZ.

399
00:18:03,132 --> 00:18:06,767
I DESIGNED THE ACT! I
WROTE ALL THE MATERIAL!

400
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,836
I WROTE HIS AD-LIBS!

401
00:18:08,905 --> 00:18:12,339
HE'S JUST A STRAIGHT
MAN. I'M THE FUNNY ONE!

402
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:15,275
YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
BEING STUCK WITH MY BROTHER?

403
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:18,845
ALL THOSE GORGEOUS
BABES FLAUNTING THEMSELVES

404
00:18:18,915 --> 00:18:22,182
AND NOT ABLE TO DO A
THING ABOUT IT WITHOUT HIM?

405
00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:24,418
DO IT! CARVE HIM UP!

406
00:18:24,486 --> 00:18:25,752
AAH!

407
00:18:25,821 --> 00:18:28,155
I'M SORRY, BILLY.
YOU'RE A NICE KID.

408
00:18:28,224 --> 00:18:29,489
BUT I GOT TO CHOP YOU.

409
00:18:29,558 --> 00:18:31,403
I GOTTA CUT YOU TO
STEAMING LITTLE PIECES!

410
00:18:31,427 --> 00:18:33,538
STOP! YOU CAN
FIGHT HIM, MR. INGELS!

411
00:18:33,562 --> 00:18:35,029
YOU CAN FIGHT HIM.

412
00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:36,696
HE'LL TELL EVERYBODY ABOUT US!

413
00:18:36,765 --> 00:18:38,632
THEY'LL PUT US
AWAY IN A DARK PLACE.

414
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,801
LOCK US UP WITH ALL
THE OTHER FREAKS!

415
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:43,603
NOW, DO IT! CHOP
HIS HEAD IN TWO!

416
00:18:43,672 --> 00:18:44,988
KILL HIM! KILL HIM!

417
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,718
GET OUT OF MY
HEAD, YOU LITTLE SHIT!

418
00:18:46,742 --> 00:18:48,209
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

419
00:18:48,278 --> 00:18:49,676
AAH!

420
00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:52,546
AAH!

421
00:18:52,615 --> 00:18:55,182
AAH!

422
00:18:55,251 --> 00:18:57,151
AAH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

423
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,203
I'M SPLITTING UP THE ACT!

424
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,179
DON'T WORRY,
MR. INGELS. YOU'LL BE OK!

425
00:19:09,248 --> 00:19:11,415
IT DOESN'T MATTER, BILLY.

426
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,484
I'M FREE. I'M FINALLY FREE.

427
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:17,154
<i>AU CONTRAIRE, MEIN FRéRE.</i>

428
00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:18,255
AAH!

429
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,424
I'M THE ONE WHO'S FINALLY FREE!

430
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,592
HA HA HA HA HA!

431
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:22,781
AAH!

432
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,295
AAH!

433
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:27,799
AAH!

434
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,956
BILLY, GET HIM OFF ME!

435
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,738
GET HIM OFF ME!

436
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:34,900
GET HIM... AAH!

437
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:36,023
AAH!

438
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:39,693
AAH!

439
00:19:42,231 --> 00:19:43,530
MR. INGELS!

440
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:44,631
AAH!

441
00:19:47,803 --> 00:19:49,903
ALL RIGHT, YOU LITTLE FUCKER!

442
00:19:49,973 --> 00:19:53,274
I'M GOING TO PARK YOU IN
THE CHEAP FUCKIN' SEATS!

443
00:19:53,343 --> 00:19:56,143
ALL RIGHT! ALL
RIGHT, WHERE ARE YA?

444
00:19:56,212 --> 00:19:58,779
COME ON OUT. WHERE ARE YOU?

445
00:19:58,848 --> 00:20:01,866
GET THE POINT? HA HA HA!

446
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:04,054
I'M GONNA TURN YOU INTO
A GREASY LITTLE SMEAR,

447
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,169
YOU SICK TURD!

448
00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:07,983
WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCK?

449
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,239
OVER HERE, TURKEY!

450
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,142
WHAT A LOVELY BASTARD.

451
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,145
YOU INBRED FUCKIN'
CABBAGE PATCH KID!

452
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,530
YOU'RE A REAL SCHMUCK!

453
00:20:16,599 --> 00:20:19,950
I'M GONNA TURN YOU
INTO BRAIN FUCKIN' PIE!

454
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,419
HEY, MOE! HEY, LARRY!
WOO WOO WOO WOO!

455
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,596
HEY, BATTER, BATTER, BATTER.

456
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:28,625
SWING!

457
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:30,560
OHH!

458
00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:32,930
HEY, UMP. THE BATTER'S BLIND.

459
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:35,332
THROW THAT BUM OUT OF THE GAME.

460
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:37,618
GET HIM A DOG. WALK HIM AROUND.

461
00:20:37,686 --> 00:20:40,015
WHY, MY OWN GRANDMOTHER
CAN HIT BETTER THAN THAT.

462
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,339
WHAT A MORON! MORON!

463
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,992
THERE'S THE PITCH!
BATTER SWINGS!

464
00:20:45,061 --> 00:20:47,127
OHH! AAH!

465
00:20:50,032 --> 00:20:50,965
OH!

466
00:20:51,033 --> 00:20:52,033
HOME RUN!

467
00:20:52,068 --> 00:20:54,735
NO, NOT THE MEAT GRINDER!

468
00:20:54,803 --> 00:20:56,070
OW!

469
00:20:56,138 --> 00:20:57,671
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

470
00:20:57,740 --> 00:20:59,773
I'M MAKIN' AN ASSHOLE
CASSEROLE, PAL,

471
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:02,142
AND YOU'RE THE MAIN INGREDIENT.

472
00:21:02,211 --> 00:21:05,412
OH, JESUS, IT'S KILLING... NO!

473
00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:06,747
WAIT!

474
00:21:06,815 --> 00:21:07,948
WE CAN MAKE A DEAL.

475
00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:09,516
SHUT UP!

476
00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:12,019
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

477
00:21:12,088 --> 00:21:14,369
OH, JESUS CHRIST,
IT'S KILLING ME.

478
00:21:14,423 --> 00:21:16,423
I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.

479
00:21:16,492 --> 00:21:17,791
OW!

480
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:21,161
ANYTHING! ANYTHING! I SWEAR!

481
00:21:21,230 --> 00:21:23,197
ANYTHING?

482
00:21:23,266 --> 00:21:26,433
MMM. MMM.

483
00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:33,557
<i>AND NOW, DIRECT FROM LAS
VEGAS, HERE'S MORTY AND BILLY!</i>

484
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,425
IT'S SHOWTIME, FOLKS.

485
00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:40,064
SHE SAYS TO ME, "YOU KNOW A
BETTER WAY TO STUDY ASTRONOMY?"

486
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,576
WELL, WHAT DID YOU DO THEN?

487
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:42,600
WHAT ELSE?

488
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:45,336
I SHOWED HER MY
TELESCOPE, THE BIG ONE!

489
00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:49,557
I'M TELLING YA. SHE REALLY
SAW STARS THAT NIGHT.

490
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,676
HOLD THE PHONE.

491
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:56,062
LOOK WHAT JUST WALKED IN.

492
00:21:56,131 --> 00:21:59,900
HUBBA HUBBA YEOW!

493
00:21:59,969 --> 00:22:01,685
WHAT A TOMATO.

494
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:04,254
MORTY, UM, ABOUT THE TELESCOPE,

495
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,302
DID YOU DISCOVER ANY OTHER
NEW HEAVENLY BODIES THAT NIGHT?

496
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,093
YOU BET YOUR ASS.
FEAST YOUR EYES ON HER.

497
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:12,930
HEY, BABY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING AFTER THE SHOW?

498
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:14,476
STICK TO THE MATERIAL, DAMN IT.

499
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,033
FORGET THE MATERIAL.

500
00:22:16,101 --> 00:22:17,501
THAT TOOTS IS MAKING EYES AT ME.

501
00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:18,690
I'M WARNING YOU.

502
00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:21,255
I BET SHE COULD SUCK THE
VARNISH OFF A FOOT STOOL.

503
00:22:21,324 --> 00:22:23,257
COULDN'T YA, HONEY?

504
00:22:23,326 --> 00:22:24,602
LOOK, WE HAD AN AGREEMENT!

505
00:22:24,626 --> 00:22:25,926
YOU GET TOP BILLING.

506
00:22:25,995 --> 00:22:27,105
THE LADIES ARE OFF-LIMITS!

507
00:22:27,129 --> 00:22:28,495
NOW, CUT THIS SHIT

508
00:22:28,564 --> 00:22:31,276
OR I'LL SHOVE YOU RIGHT
BACK INTO THAT MEAT GRINDER.

509
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:33,450
I THINK YOU'RE GONNA
FIND THAT A LITTLE DIFFICULT,

510
00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:35,619
NOT TO MENTION PAINFUL.

511
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:36,620
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

512
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,288
RENEGOTIATING OUR DEAL.

513
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:39,389
AAH!

514
00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:40,374
AAH!

515
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:43,126
LET'S GO. COME ON.

516
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,561
AAH!

517
00:22:44,630 --> 00:22:46,680
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.

518
00:22:46,749 --> 00:22:49,616
AAH!

519
00:22:49,685 --> 00:22:52,552
TRY TO SCRATCH
YOUR ASS NOW, BUSTER.

520
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,188
HA HA HA!

521
00:22:54,256 --> 00:22:56,656
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE
STUCK WITH EACH OTHER.

522
00:22:56,725 --> 00:22:58,091
AAH!

523
00:23:00,696 --> 00:23:02,663
WHAT DO YOU SAY, FOLKS?

524
00:23:02,731 --> 00:23:05,799
BILLY DESERVES A BIG
HAND, DON'T YOU THINK?

525
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:07,968
SHEESH!

526
00:23:08,037 --> 00:23:09,681
THE THINGS SOME FOLKS WILL DO

527
00:23:09,705 --> 00:23:12,973
TO GET AHEAD IN SHOW BUSINESS.

528
00:23:13,042 --> 00:23:14,208
OH, WELL.

529
00:23:14,276 --> 00:23:17,894
NEXT TIME SOMEBODY
TELLS BILLY HE'S NO DUMMY,

530
00:23:17,964 --> 00:23:20,831
HE CAN SAY, "WANT TO BET?"

531
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:22,766
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!